I feel so stuck. Im a single woman in my early 30s and covid has impacted everything from the way I live, to the way I work, and how often I can my friends and family. My motivation is totally zapped, and when I do have spurts of forward momentum they’re short-lived. I feel like I’m making no progress in any area of my life and that everything has completely stagnated. Do you have any advice for accepting the new normal?
What are you going to do about it?
Your physiology has major impact on how you think and feel. There was a ton of debate after the TED TALK by Amy Cuddy on power posing on whether it was actually legit, but I know that moving my body is the best way to move my mind. If you’re watching this from home, stand up and do some star jumps. If you’re sitting at a desk or watching this at a red light, throw your shoulders back. After you’ve shaken about, I want you to think about ways that you can take action that will result in a feeling of progress for you. Because as soon as you get in a mindset of progress, you’ll crack open a new reservoir of ideas, insights, and fresh thoughts. So getting that first push of progress is important, because it will lead you to new energy sources in your head. A simpler way of looking at this is that your new answer for everything is: What are you going to do about it? When I dared to whine to my boyfriend about how my entire business model was now defunct as someone who ran events in New York City, he looked at me and said: well what are you going to do about it? The audacity! That is literally the most annoying thing someone can say to you when you feel like complaining. But he was right and now I get to be the annoying one. So. Covid has ruined your life? Tell me: What are you going to do about it?
What makes you feel like yourself?
Speaking of people giving us advice, how great is it to giving each other advice but never take it ourselves. Do you actually think I take any of the advice I dish out on here? Haha, no. I want you to do the same thing. Imagine if your best friend, your sister, one of your kids, came to you and said: I’m stuck. I don’t feel like myself right now. What do I do? And what you would say (or should say) is: what are the things that make you feel like yourself? Let’s make a list and let’s get you doing them. Now this can look like a range of things depending on what floats your boat. For me, this means: moving my body, being with family, talking and talking and talking, working towards something that gives me purpose. And then you would get this person to write out the things that made them feel like themselves, and then you would help put those things into action. Do this for yourself. Now, I know that the expression of these things might look different given these weird circumstance—but you need to try and recreate those things, as warped as they might be, to keep yourself sane.
Do the next best thing.
A lot of feeling stuck has to do with focusing on the past (things used to be so good etc) or the future (what is going to happen to me) etc. But the truth is, you’ve likely experienced feeling stuck before any of us had ever heard of coronavirus. There would have been times in your life where you were struggling to make decisions or had to deal with obstacles. So when people in the Okreal community have been coming to me and saying ‘how do I deal with the pandemic’ I say: you deal with it like you would any other obstacle. You look at your options and you do the next best thing. You don’t have to figure out your whole life, you have to figure out what you are doing today and tomorrow.